Top 10 completely valid reasons to poo-poo Valentine’s Day

It’s the dreaded Valentines Day tomorrow. All the cynics in the room, raise your hand. This one’s for you. 10 COMPLETELY valid reasons you can ignore, deconstruct, malign or generally sneer at Valentines Day. And it is framed in perfectly pleasant language that you can use on your beloved complete with rationale!

But remember, they may not make your day any better. Before you use one, polish up your innocent look. Practice in the mirror- it’ll be entertaining.

  1. Valentine’s Day is just a Hallmark Holiday, hon.”  Rationale: Your love is better expressed in spontaneous, creative, self-initiated ways. So, don’t worry about it. You need a little extra time to sculpt her head in plaster – and giving it later will actually be MORE meaningful.
  2. I couldn’t find a Valentine’s Cards that says it well enough to express our love.”   Rationale: Card are overly sentimental thoughts that your partner surely wouldn’t want you to give to him/her. It is impossible to find the perfect card. It’s better to scribble a note on the back of an envelope.
  3. Cupid is so violent!  Rationale: Nothing more needs to be said about a fat cherub who flies around violently assaulting innocent people. You don’t support that way of being in the world.
  4. “Chocolate is an artificial stimulant that conjurs up feelings that should be there naturally.”  Rationale: Right? Neither of you need that, baby, you know that! You express your love just fine – and in lower caloric ways.
  5. “Our love is more mature than having to cowtow to a sappy holiday.” Rationale: Everyone knows that a mature relationship doesn’t need anything so forced. Translation: “it’s too much pressure to do things perfectly”
  6. What? oh -I thought we decided last year not to do this holiday any more.”  Rationale: She/he wasn’t really expecting anything anyway.
  7. “It’s part of our voluntary cost-cutting efforts.”  Rationale: Surely she remembers that conversation. 
  8. “Cut flowers die so quickly and they don’t really testify to our lasting love.”  Rationale: They aren’t worth the money. 
  9. “For God’s sake, it’s on a Tuesday!”  Rationale: Can we do it this weekend?

Finally, and possibly the lamest:

10. I thought you said you were liberated.” Rationale: OK. jk. you’d be so in                     trouble with this one.

Alright, seriously. Don’t put so much pressure on yourself about Valentine’s Day. And remember, expressions of love can happen every day. What most people want is just a little appreciation and sweetness. There are a million ways to do that. xoxo

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