I’m just fixing me

I’m in Seattle after being away a month. I am carrying on a bit of a transient lifestyle these days. Louisville about 40% of the time; Seattle about 5-7 days per month; and various other places around the US filling up the other gaps.

It’s a new way of being for me – and it is not without significant challenges. It’s tough to build significant community in L’ville because I am gone many weekends. Long term Seattle friendships are beautiful, but no longer form the web of my daily life. I am away from my family most of the time which puts a lot of extra work on those who have stayed in Seattle. When I am back in Seattle, I am cleaning or weeding or working. I don’t feel like I have had vacation for a long time.

Even now, sitting on the couch with my dog beside me, I feel I should be scrubbing floors or writing speeches or “fixing” something.

It’s a myth, you know. We don’t need to fix anyone but ourselves. And in the big picture, that fixing is done through self-reflection, attempts to live more centrally to our life purpose, and getting really good at accepting our imperfection and the imperfection of others. This reorientation creates the changes that will impact our world. Ultimately, I believe it is through the work of love to ourselves and the world that can transform – well everything. And we are absolutely dependent on the mysterious working of that BIG LOVE, creating, sustaining, building, self-giving LOVE which is God.

I know some of you doubt some piece of that. And that’s OK. My ego is tough enough to throw this out there and get a little “energy-flack” flung back at me. I do so believe in the power of living in community, which for me right now, is spotty at best. So, I need places to be really honest. Otherwise, I will become pretty self-absorbed. This truth is an unsung advantage of living with a family. One usually doesn’t have the luxury to be too self-absorbed. Someone is always interrupting your personal bubble with country music or dog toys or 11pm needs for a check to take to school.

In this season of my life, I am attempting to keep the ball rolling forward through prayer, spiritual direction, therapy, and asking for support when I need it. Sometimes it feels like I am pushing the ball uphill. And that means I sometimes need to do a little running down when the ball gets a little wacky on me. I’m imperfect.  And come to find out, that is just what I’m supposed to be.ball rolling uphill

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1 Response to I’m just fixing me

  1. Ester says:

    Love this!

    This is a God-send today.

    Hope you are well…

    Hugs~ E

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