Searching for Clarity

Cherokee park reflectionI wanted to claim the word “clarity” as my word for 2014. I have been doing this the past few years, choosing a word or two to help frame my intentions for the year. So I went for a walk in a 40-degree Louisville blue sky day. It is January 1, 2014.

As I walked, I was trying to think of a word that expressed what I feel I need right now. The word that I kept thinking of was “clarity”. It made perfect sense. There is some cloudiness in my life right now. Cloudiness on how to best care for my family while I live at at a distance; cloudiness in some pieces of my work (it’s that kind of job, one that unfolds over time); cloudiness about how to best take care of myself here in Louisville. Lots of cloudiness. So clarity seemed perfect.

Cherokee park reflection 2But wouldn’t you know. That isn’t the word for me. I was in the groove, feeling the ooh aah of impactfulness of the word when I reached a creek and thought I’d lean over. I took in the picturesque scene with misty eyes and said to the creek, “what can you teach me?” I know it might seem a bit woo woo for some of you, but I have learned many lessons from sunsets, rocks, hawks, coyotes, tree bark, and other inanimate objects. The world is out there ready to teach you if you stop and listen for a while. And what could be a better reinforcement that a beautiful creek?

Anyway, I leaned over the bridge taking in the slow curls of water, the rocks and mud, the reaching branches reaching, the uncanny reflection of trees and clouds in the water. Then a white coffee cup with a black lid interrupted my magical moment. And a long stream of some kind of scrappy plastic hanging from one of the branches. And then I noticed a bunch of pieces of colored crap that was sitting in the bushes and along the bank. Garbage. Junk. I couldn’t see the bottom in some parts. This totally messed with my personal bliss. And I realized something.

There wasn’t going to be the clarity I wanted this year. Not likely. And what I was really asking for was a “plan” to make everything in my untidy brain all tidy again. How? By sorting everything into it’s place so I could move on to the next thing. Sigh. I didn’t really want clarity. I wanted control. And that is the exact opposite of what the spiritual life is about. Spiritual living is about letting go; giving up the illusions of control; and living in better rhythm with your soul.

What I really want and need is a different posture toward my life. I need a posture of opening; of not trying to force squishy things into perfectly measured square boxes. I do that sometimes. It’s like trying to fill up a take-out container with a jelly fish. It may fit, but the poor thing can’t breathe that way – and besides it wasn’t really supposed to be in a take out container in the first place.

So this is my first word for the year: open. I am thinking of it as an action verb. Open heart. Open hands. Open mind. Open to strangers. Open to God. Open to what other people (and things) have to teach me. There is a discernment piece that fits with this word for me. It’s not getting rid of me or of all boundaries. It is inviting others into a place that is mine and allowing them to affect and change how I am in the world. It is receiving in a way that celebrates and honors other’s experience in the world. It is a posture of arms spread open in love to the other.

I hope you live with intention too. I’d love to hear from you about your intent/hope/prayer for the year.

Oh, I did choose a second word. It is ZESTY! But that is for another blog post. Have a blessed 2014.

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