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Judgmentalism feels like someone (maybe me?) took a big needle and thread and knitted my body too tightly together. Which might be good if it were creating space for oxygen and movement in my gravity-prone body or removing the fat around my heart. But alas, not so.
I need to let go of my rage about Trump being popular and my judgment toward those who support him in any way. It isn’t helping me or the world; spewing all that negative energy everywhere. But I feel such outrage and anxiety about it all. If he were anything other than a white man, he would have been done months ago. He paid off women who he took advantage of; he doesn’t know the basic principles of human well-being outside of financial success (which, btw, were at our expense – his corporations filed bankruptcy 11 times); he over-sexualizes and demeans women; he has no internal vetting device – and no regard for kindness; he bullies disabled people; he is utterly clueless about anything but the U.S. He could, with some off the cuff remark, put the world in a nuclear mess. He is the very worst of U.S. culture – arrogant, childish, selfish and an embarrassment to good men who are trying to be more evolved human beings. And that is just the beginning.
Wow! As a middle child, it feels good to be clear sometimes!
I’m not much of an “unfriender” — I think we should talk with those we disagree with, not demonize them or call them asshats, especially when you love those asshats. This election has brought up more rage in me than even the Reagan election and the 2nd Bush election. Now I am looking back at Reagan (who totally messed with MY Latin America) as just misinformed. And Bush as a dry drunk (which may have been true), but now in kind of a grandfatherly way. Geeez. When Jeb dropped out I thought, “Wait. What?”
Hatred and judmentalism is usually based in fear and a lack of understanding. And it is true, I do not understand Trump nor those who advocate for him. I think I get it that people want change in the political process. One friend said, “it’s time to clean out the swamp.” Agreed. All the cronyism and corruption makes me crazy too. But democracy is still arguably the “cleanest” political system we have and we are making our way through. Have you worked with some of the other countires? Or traveled and listened well enough to hear the realities? Cleaning out the swamp and then throwing in an ogre and his “F*** political correctness” minions will only create a worse mess. AM I RIGHT?
How do we make our way through this jungle? Maybe a start is to … ignore the media for a while. They overplay everything inflammatory and make it appear larger than life. I suspect there is less extremism than we see. Let’s dissect our visceral reaction to Trump or Hillary over a glass of wine with a trusted friend or partner and get to the root of the problem. And don’t believe everything you read.
I think I partly hate Trump because he is unreliable, unpredictable and the kind of human being I have never gotten along with (which may, come to find out, be a lot about me and my history and the stories I have told myself over the years.) Is it that I you don’t trust Hillary because she is a political player? OK – name it. Is it that she represents the kind of feminism you don’t like? She isn’t nice enough? She is too mean? She kills babies? Name it. And see if the real issue might be partly yours.
When you finish that, now together, let’s take a deep breath, grab a pair or scissors and cut one of those threads that binds us in our own lives and let’s start allowing ourselves to breathe better. Maybe hand someone you disagree with the scissors. Let’s imagine that we all want to make a living and have a roof over our heads, be healthy, have agency, and be close to people who love us. Maybe we go to the lake and roast weenies. And then we can return with our heads and hearts in wise mode and take this on with more patience.
That’s all I’ve got – oh and “Love your enemies doesn’t mean you have to like them.”
Don’t raise your arms .. your skirt is too short
DDT is the best insecticide
If you pray hard enough, your prayers will be answered
I like the way you look in black … it slims you
Booze is the only answer
You only have one sister
If you follow your dreams, you will suffer
You are just a farm girl, an underachiever
If you divorce, no one will ever want you
You can’t handle finances
You are selfish, following your music
Women have far more limits. Be happy you have anything
Remember to be careful of the male ego
Quit crying; you are fine
No. No. No.
When I am ready to give up
and you, dear human
I go to the mountains.
Stepping out of my chatter in my head
and onto the earth
where my body leads me to grace
sometimes startling with
those webs of irony and humor
has always been my truth,
Do you know?
wild blueberries are red or purple
pine trees have the most sensuous bark
more contoured and sensuous than any naked body
the sky is perfect with clouds swept through
and it seems
someone painted the toes of the river
in greys and yellows and rusts.
I hate hurting people. I hate name calling. I hate labels. You know this is true about me. But sometimes a label needs to be used. Say it with me: Donald Trump is as a racist and a sexist! And in my outrage,I am calling on my denomination, the Presbyterian Church, USA, to join me in saying this publicly. Discrimination based on race is racism. This is not decaf discrimination. It is not racism light. It is the real thing and it is extremely dangerous. And institutions need to name it now.
I say this to my church because, like me, your stifled inward moaning and outrage is just making you ugly, anti-Christian, irrelevant, and lacking in integrity. No more nice. Gradye Parsons, our highest elected official, has made some thoughtful public statements directed to Trump himself. And it is time for the whole community to call his rhetoric what it is. Not gently. But honestly. Racism and sexism and discrimination against other groups of people is unacceptable. Trump doesn’t care, but I still believe that good people in the U.S. do care. My conscience will not let me be silent anymore. Do you want a racist-in-chief?
Trump is a Presbyterian, he claims. Presbyterians believe that our political life is something in which we are called to have Christian integrity. And as a Presbyterian, a humanitarian, an activist, a woman, and an irate sister, I say DONALD TRUMP IS A RACIST AND A SEXIST.
As my favorite New York Times columnists, Charles M. Blow, says: “we will not redefine racism” to avoid labeling Donald Trump. SAY IT! We refuse to elect a racist and a sexist There. Perhaps I can sleep tonight.
Hummingbird drizzle and the mountain birds
a crow interjects briefly, restrained
the sun is up, it’s been so since 5
I watched it through the blinds
as I stirred again and again
the movements of my daughter in the bed above me
as i sleep on the floor
in the house
that was my home
“I will too go back to school!” I exclaimed to my mother after I announced I would be leaving university after my Sophomore year. Mom was, shall we say, anxious for me. She had dropped out of college at 22 to marry my dad in an era when women did that. She had always regretted having an uncompleted education. She was smart, and certainly could have finished. Her choices were complicated by a a honeymoon baby.
Needless to say, my university graduation three years later was a proud moment for me and for them. And three years after that when I received a Masters’ degree.
This week my eldest daughter will graduate from Whitworth University, a small liberal arts school in eastern Washington state. I am so proud that she will become the 2nd Parks woman to make it through the flurry of learning and social drama university grants us. It wasn’t easy. Dorm life for an impressive introvert is rough. Expectations for class performance, lack of sleep, late night conversation at a mostly conservative institution for a girl raised by her left-wing spiritual mama and her bright, always learning father who is quite happy living on the left coast certainly created some moments of clarity and questions and definition. Only a few I have been privy to. And so much more. She has made her way through with grace and determination.
And here she is. Ready to launch!
The past few years I have learned a lot about education and it’s importance on a global scale. Especially for girls and women. The barriers for girls to receive even a primary education are daunting in much of the world. Poverty, lack of birth control, war, violence in the home, cultural mores such as child marriage, trauma from rape and violence (1 in 3 women), structurally reinforced misogyny, unequal pay, are just the start. In the U.S., white women are paid 74 cents to a white male’s dollar. I just heard a statistic about NYC regarding women of color that disgusts me. The study showed that they receive around 60 cents to the dollar.
And yet, when women divorce, which half of them do, they usually never completely recover financially while men remake the income in 3 years and then are back on track.
In the US, a woman with a high school education will work in service jobs that keep her always fighting to make ends meet, at an enormous personal power disadvantage if she partners with a man, and less likely to develop skills that will empower her movement to create change in her way in the world.
So today, as I fly to be with my amazing daughter for her graduation, I am grateful for her determination and focus and faithfulness that allowed her to accomplish this. We do not know what is ahead in life. Life is full of challenges. This will advantage her to realize more of her potential as someone who was born to contribute to the world, her community, her family.The best is yet to be!
Saturday morning I was reading on my front porch, coffee in hand as usual, enjoying the gorgeous morning when 3 geese flew down Pope street honking loudly. They circled around as if they had seen me, and then flew in a kind of boomerang past me again, as if to say – or honk – “Hey!! We are flying past you on purpose! We don’t usually do this kind of thing!” I was taken aback. I have never seen a goose in the hood. Or at least I wasn’t aware of one. I felt that old tug of “uh oh – this means something” happening. So I sat present to it for a while and then did a little research.
This is not my first spiritual encounter with an animal. There was a hawk and a coyote before. These experiences ended up being markers in my life, preparing me in an unbidden and unexpected way, for what was to come.
Yesterday the message of the geese came to pass. It is kinda woo woo, I know, but bear with me. This is what the “meaning” of such an encounter is from a spirit animal reading … “the quest you are currently on is about to take an abrupt change of course. Know that this is only a temporary thing and that you will soon be back on your chosen path.” I sat with it and then I knew for sure. It was confirmed today. My job as reconciliation catalyst for PCUSA will end April 29.
Thank God, Presbys will continue to prioritize the campaign work through better funded programs: the Presbyterian peacemaking program which birthed me, and Presbyterian Women. This is only part of my work, but the crux of the decision making weighed that heavily. Will pieces be lost? Of course. But I am optimistic the ways in which I was able to help move some of us toward more fluid work across the agencies will continue. The biggest hole will be connecting US constituents to work of global partners working to stop sexual violence. But with excellent communicators and committed networks and area directors, the work will continue on, but with a lesser focus. But to be clear, these systemic issues are not going away without some serious long term collaboration and effort.
The burden and cost of leadership in these decisions cannot be underestimated. Please remember this in reaction to the cuts coming not only in my circles, but in every other mainline denomination. We all face the same realities.
So in this moment, I want to begin with a reflection. What are they going to do, fire me? 🙂
What a gift it has a been to serve as part of a global community that gives a damn about justice and tries to do something to support, accompany, and advocate for people on the margins. As people of privilege, this is so important for our souls. Not in response to guilt or because “it’s the right thing to do”, though these things certainly plays into the complexity of our motivations. But because we are in this whole life thing together. Each person is precious and deserving not simply because they are “God-breathed and imaged” but because they are human. It is not enough for me to say a person is created in the image of God and thus they are worthy or deserving of my respect. Each person is precious simply because they are their unique beautiful selves alive to possibility and life. I do not need to see the image of God in someone to love them. I need to see them.
Here us what I want to say on this memorable day for me: we are part of the world even if we, as American citizens, see ourselves as just a tiny bit more special than the rest of the world. (And oh Lord, Christians are the worst at this!) It can no longer be “us” and “the rest of the world”. That is not the reality in which we live. It is a construct to keep people at arm’s length. Name any global issue and you will find U.S. hands all over it. For good and ill. If we are going to work on resolving systemic injustices, and not simply throw candy to the crowd, we simply have to be willing to engage them as “our” issues. And by our I mean all of ours. Whether we are stay at home moms, corporate execs, factory workers, pastors, bedouins, or bar tenders. We are entrusted with a broken, beautiful world that requires our love and engagement. It is not just for us. The limitations and borders we imagine are just that: arbitrary and imagined borders. And as Pablo Casals penned, “Why should love stop at the border?”
I work with a great team. World Mission, supported by the visionary leadership of Hunter Farrell, my fellow catalysts, Juan Sarmiento and Frank Dimmock, my amazing and always supportive colleague, Stephanie, and those across the agency focused on peace and justice have been and will continue to be, a huge gift to the church, the world, and to me.
As I was reminded recently, I love easily. It is both a blessing and also such a pain. Still I believe that everything can be done with love, though much of life isn’t. Fear and anxiety and rage are important emotions that must not inhibit us from doing the work we need to do. They must fuel us for the only thing that can overcome hate and fear: connection and love and mutuality.
When I travel and speak, I tell people that my job title is theirs also: reconciliation catalyst. If I could, I would commission your work with a stole today. As the agency lets go of a reconciliation catalyst next week, I am asking you to take that stole on your shoulders. It is a holy calling that never was exclusively mine in the first place. It is ours to wear with imagination and commitment every day.
And by the way, I still have work to do. Think of me when openings in justice and peace come your way. The best is yet to be.